Child Upbringing and Moral Teaching in Islam
Child
Upbringing
and
Moral Teaching in Islam
A
paper presented at Abuja
a Divine Obligation,
a Complementary Responsibility
December, 1997
a Divine Obligation,
a Complementary Responsibility
December, 1997
By Aisha Lemu
Each one of us in this
hall came into this world as a baby, about the size and weight of a yam, but
containing all the potential of the adult human beings that we are today.
That baby that we once were was endowed with a number of innate faculties beyond the obvious physical or biological ones. These are mentioned in the Qur'an and are therefore worth noting in any discussion of child upbringing and moral teaching. These innate faculties include the following:
1. Allah has breathed into that small human being of His spirit and has endowed it with a soul (Qur'an 15:29). Therefore although it is a created being, yet it has something of the divine spirit within it, and its life is sacred. It is not to be killed off or buried alive because its parents did not want it (Qur'an 6:151; 81:8-9; 6:140).
2. That small human being has within it the innate awareness that God exists. This is in accordance with a Hadith saying that Allah called to witness all the as yet unborn souls of the descendants of Adam while they were still in Adam's loins. He asked them "Am I not your Lord?" and they bore witness that He was.
3. That small human being generally has been given the faculties of hearing, seeing and thinking and the ability to distinguish right from wrong which is developed from childhood onwards
(Qur'an 90:8-18; 91:7-9).
4. That small human being has been given a measure of free will in moral conduct, and these choices will have effects on his or her welfare both in this world and in the Hereafter (Qur'an 7:40-43).
5. That small human being has been endowed with the power of speech and an innate grasp of language structure and grammatical forms which can be observed even in small children aged about 2 or 3 years old, giving them access to complex information and the areas of the imagination and abstract ideas (Qur'an 2:31-33).
6. That small human being can also at an early age learn the use of the pen, and read and write the spoken words, thereby opening up even wider his powers of thought and imagination (Qur'an 96:1-5).
The human baby is therefore an amazing bundle of potentials, and you cannot tell by looking at this helpless little bundle whether you have got a wise person or a fool, a saint or a sinner. You can only pray from the time of conception that Allah will endow the child with what is good and responsive to good.
The child, as we know, has a certain amount of genetic inheritance from both his parents, in physical appearance and in his abilities and other characteristics. However, the great variety in appearance, intelligence and talents between children of the same parents, indicates that genetic inheritance is only one factor out of several in the way the child develops. A lot also depends on the home environment.
The focus of this seminar is on child upbringing, therefore having identified the latent abilities of the small human being, we shall now move on to how to develop those abilities in such a way as to bring out the best in the child and to show him the way to the good of this world and the Hereafter, Insha'Allah.
Some people believe in starting this process even before the child is born. There is no doubt that in the later months of pregnancy a baby can hear. The fact that he jumps at sudden noises shows that he can hear a lot of what is going on outside the womb, and has been hearing us for months before he is born. Many mothers therefore like to introduce their unborn babies to the recitation of the Qur'an on tape, and the Adhan, as well as soothing and pleasant music, while they are still in the womb. They continue to do this while they are in the cradle. Fathers can also help during the pregnancy by doing-all that is possible to reduce stress on the wife and baby.
Afterbirth the parents' responsibilities begin in earnest. At this stage during the first year of life the most important and formative contact is
That baby that we once were was endowed with a number of innate faculties beyond the obvious physical or biological ones. These are mentioned in the Qur'an and are therefore worth noting in any discussion of child upbringing and moral teaching. These innate faculties include the following:
1. Allah has breathed into that small human being of His spirit and has endowed it with a soul (Qur'an 15:29). Therefore although it is a created being, yet it has something of the divine spirit within it, and its life is sacred. It is not to be killed off or buried alive because its parents did not want it (Qur'an 6:151; 81:8-9; 6:140).
2. That small human being has within it the innate awareness that God exists. This is in accordance with a Hadith saying that Allah called to witness all the as yet unborn souls of the descendants of Adam while they were still in Adam's loins. He asked them "Am I not your Lord?" and they bore witness that He was.
3. That small human being generally has been given the faculties of hearing, seeing and thinking and the ability to distinguish right from wrong which is developed from childhood onwards
(Qur'an 90:8-18; 91:7-9).
4. That small human being has been given a measure of free will in moral conduct, and these choices will have effects on his or her welfare both in this world and in the Hereafter (Qur'an 7:40-43).
5. That small human being has been endowed with the power of speech and an innate grasp of language structure and grammatical forms which can be observed even in small children aged about 2 or 3 years old, giving them access to complex information and the areas of the imagination and abstract ideas (Qur'an 2:31-33).
6. That small human being can also at an early age learn the use of the pen, and read and write the spoken words, thereby opening up even wider his powers of thought and imagination (Qur'an 96:1-5).
The human baby is therefore an amazing bundle of potentials, and you cannot tell by looking at this helpless little bundle whether you have got a wise person or a fool, a saint or a sinner. You can only pray from the time of conception that Allah will endow the child with what is good and responsive to good.
The child, as we know, has a certain amount of genetic inheritance from both his parents, in physical appearance and in his abilities and other characteristics. However, the great variety in appearance, intelligence and talents between children of the same parents, indicates that genetic inheritance is only one factor out of several in the way the child develops. A lot also depends on the home environment.
The focus of this seminar is on child upbringing, therefore having identified the latent abilities of the small human being, we shall now move on to how to develop those abilities in such a way as to bring out the best in the child and to show him the way to the good of this world and the Hereafter, Insha'Allah.
Some people believe in starting this process even before the child is born. There is no doubt that in the later months of pregnancy a baby can hear. The fact that he jumps at sudden noises shows that he can hear a lot of what is going on outside the womb, and has been hearing us for months before he is born. Many mothers therefore like to introduce their unborn babies to the recitation of the Qur'an on tape, and the Adhan, as well as soothing and pleasant music, while they are still in the womb. They continue to do this while they are in the cradle. Fathers can also help during the pregnancy by doing-all that is possible to reduce stress on the wife and baby.
Afterbirth the parents' responsibilities begin in earnest. At this stage during the first year of life the most important and formative contact is
with the mother. It is
through the baby's relationship with its mother that a child first establishes
a relationship with another human being. The mother gives the baby her milk and
her love in equal measure without reserve and the child responds without
reserve. Through this relationship of unreserved love the child learns to trust
human beings, to expect good of human beings and to inter-relate with other
human beings through talk and smiles and play and cuddles. Without this first
close relationship and bonding with the mother or a close mother-substitute,
the child may fail to develop the ability to form loving and trusting
relationships in later life. This is why babies whose mothers die are better
off psychologically with a foster mother than in a motherless babies" home
under the care of a series of nurses or carers on duty.
Mothers should therefore, if they have jobs outside the home, ensure that they take advantage of their maternity leave and if possible some additional months of leave or part-time work in order to be with the baby as much as possible. Provision of a crèche at the mother's place of work is another good alternative if it is available.
It is of course well established by now that there is no better food for a baby than its mother's milk, which is not only designed for complete and perfect nourishment of the baby appropriate to its digestive system, but also gives h protection against a wide range of illnesses.
The first two or three years of life are very important in laying the foundations. As the baby grows and develops, the mother can also help its mental development by talking and singing to the child, and by introducing toys or other objects that stimulate the child's senses of sight, touch, and sound with which the child can interact. Parents often make the mistake of buying expensive mechanical toys that move by themselves, and quickly break down when the child handles them. Children soon get bored with such toys and are far more interested in toys that they can manipulate by themselves and experiment with in different ways.
As the child grows from a baby into a toddler the parents have to introduce the child to "yes" and "no". This is because of two things:
Firstly the child can now move around and can touch things, pull things, eat things and enter places that are not safe. Secondly he may behave in ways that are a nuisance to others. He has yet to develop a sense of danger or a sense of consideration for others, so the parents have to teach him what is dangerous and what is not wanted.
Loving parents have for centuries known how to do this by a scolding and if necessary a light smack. The toddler is too young to understand your reasons but he is old enough to understand that if he does the unwanted thing he will be stopped and the consequences are unpleasant to him. The reasons can come later.
Some self-appointed experts in child care in the west have in this century been opposing these forms of child-control, and in some countries they have even been classified as child abuse and made illegal. The parents are advised instead to adopt other strategies and to reason with the child. This has unfortunately led to a generation of aggressive children who are used to arguing every point with their parents and driving them to the point of madness. This can cause such a build-up of bad relations and pent-up anger that real child abuse is in fact more likely to occur. From my own observation "a stitch in time saves nine". Firm but loving control at a young age does, I believe, show children where are the limits, and children themselves find reassurance in this. It is the foundation of future self-discipline to know that "Mummy "''and Baba don't want this (whether at present understand the reason or not). As the child grows up and learns his religion he can likewise understand that he should do or not do certain things because his Creator and Lord has said so, whether at present he understand the reason or not.
Mothers should therefore, if they have jobs outside the home, ensure that they take advantage of their maternity leave and if possible some additional months of leave or part-time work in order to be with the baby as much as possible. Provision of a crèche at the mother's place of work is another good alternative if it is available.
It is of course well established by now that there is no better food for a baby than its mother's milk, which is not only designed for complete and perfect nourishment of the baby appropriate to its digestive system, but also gives h protection against a wide range of illnesses.
The first two or three years of life are very important in laying the foundations. As the baby grows and develops, the mother can also help its mental development by talking and singing to the child, and by introducing toys or other objects that stimulate the child's senses of sight, touch, and sound with which the child can interact. Parents often make the mistake of buying expensive mechanical toys that move by themselves, and quickly break down when the child handles them. Children soon get bored with such toys and are far more interested in toys that they can manipulate by themselves and experiment with in different ways.
As the child grows from a baby into a toddler the parents have to introduce the child to "yes" and "no". This is because of two things:
Firstly the child can now move around and can touch things, pull things, eat things and enter places that are not safe. Secondly he may behave in ways that are a nuisance to others. He has yet to develop a sense of danger or a sense of consideration for others, so the parents have to teach him what is dangerous and what is not wanted.
Loving parents have for centuries known how to do this by a scolding and if necessary a light smack. The toddler is too young to understand your reasons but he is old enough to understand that if he does the unwanted thing he will be stopped and the consequences are unpleasant to him. The reasons can come later.
Some self-appointed experts in child care in the west have in this century been opposing these forms of child-control, and in some countries they have even been classified as child abuse and made illegal. The parents are advised instead to adopt other strategies and to reason with the child. This has unfortunately led to a generation of aggressive children who are used to arguing every point with their parents and driving them to the point of madness. This can cause such a build-up of bad relations and pent-up anger that real child abuse is in fact more likely to occur. From my own observation "a stitch in time saves nine". Firm but loving control at a young age does, I believe, show children where are the limits, and children themselves find reassurance in this. It is the foundation of future self-discipline to know that "Mummy "''and Baba don't want this (whether at present understand the reason or not). As the child grows up and learns his religion he can likewise understand that he should do or not do certain things because his Creator and Lord has said so, whether at present he understand the reason or not.
In this way the child
has been properly socialized at home, and when he goes to nursery or primary
school he is no trouble to his teacher because he has already accepted
discipline from his elders and knows that there are limits on what he should
do.
When the child starts school the lessons from home should not stop. In fact this is when lessons at home become even more important as you introduce your child to Islamic ways of thinking and behaving.
While you do your best to find a school you like, where Islamic Studies forms a key element in the curriculum, you may not be lucky enough to find such a school in your area and even if you do you still need to keep your home teaching going as a supplement and a check on whether the child is actually progressing as expected.
The child learns about Islam from the way the parents practice it. The father should be seen to play his role as head and Imam of the family. The mother's teaching role is also crucial, since she is usually closer to the children in their first years of life. She is their first school.
It is good that the home should be decorated with some reminders of Islam, such as really good examples of Islamic calligraphy. Dress that accords with Islamic principles should be worn by the parents as an example to the children. Shoes should be removed on entering the house. Children should be taught to say "As-Salaamu 'Alaykum" when they enter the house or a room. The parents should teach them these and other rules of Islamic adab (manners and etiquette).
When the child is old enough to join parents properly in prayer, it is time to give him or her a prayer mat by way of encouragement.
During Ramadan children also like to fast, and this can be encouraged according to their age. They may start with half a day (after getting up for Suhur), and gradually lengthen their fast or increase the number of days until they can fast like an adult.
They should know that their parents are giving out their zakah, and are engaged in regular acts of charity, so that the children grow up with this practice. They also should be encouraged to give in charity from any money they may be given from time to time.
You can also show them videocassettes about Haj or watch TV programmes on Hajj when the time comes.
The feasts of 'Eid ul Fitr and 'Eid ul Adha should also be celebrated with the good Islamic practices of visits, gift-giving and games and entertainments that help to make the festivals joyous occasions which children look forward to.
Children take many of their values from their parents, observing what the parents consider important. For example if a child sees his mummy and daddy and older children standing for prayer, he learns that this is important to them and joins them, bobbing up and down in imitation of his role models.
The way you respond to and talk about the death of a close relative influences his own attitude to death. The way you discuss someone's illness or misfortune or the way you discuss money affects the way he sees these things. The way you behave to your own parents teaches children what respect and kindness is due to their own parents. Therefore if you try to keep your own responses and attitudes in accordance with the Qur'anic viewpoint you have shown your child this viewpoint which he internalizes from an early age.
Perhaps your child comes to you crying that something happened in school - an accident, bullying, stealing, unfair punishment by a teacher and so on. How do you respond? Which of these things are important enough to see the school about, which need only consolation? Does the child find in you a sense of re-assurance, justice, fairness, objectivity. The child tells you that someone was accused of doing juju (i.e. black magic) on another person as a result of which something happened. How do you respond to this? Do you openly or implicitly show preference for a male child? Do you show gratitude to Allah when things go well? Do you show sabr (i.e. patience in adversity) when things go wrong? Do you encourage your children to befriend other good children? Don't forget the proverb: "Birds of a feather flock together".
The conversations that the child hears in the house between his parents influence his perception of the marriage relationship and also of the relative status of men and women. Do you and your spouse snow mutual respect and affection? Or is one of you a tyrant giving out orders? Do the parents disagree by shouting and walking out slamming the door?
It is very important that parents who cannot get on together should avoid angry emotional scenes and shouting in front of their children. Children can be terrified by such behaviour and the psychological scars of it, (particularly if it leads to divorce), can affect the children for life. It often leads to problems in their own marriages due to the sense of insecurity it creates in the children at this impressionable age.
If this "informal" learning is not Islamic in tone, the more formal teaching of Islam to your children may not be very successful. You will lack credibility if you do not practice what you preach. By the more formal teaching of Islam and of Islamic moral values I mean something like an Islamic family circle, to be conducted daily after one of the prayers, for example after Maghrib or after Subh prayers, said in congregation. During Ramadan it can be done after Tarawih.
The Family Islamic Circle should be made enjoyable, not something the children dread and fear. Offer praise not punishment. You can make your own syllabus and time-table for this, depending on the ages and standards of the children. It can include recitation of short Surahs and passages of the Qur'an which they may have learned and discussion of their meaning. It could be the study of the meaning of selected Hadith. It could be a demonstration by the child of some of the acts of prayer, I It could be in the form of a quiz. It could be a discussion of any of the moral teachings of Islam, or a recounting of an event in the life of the Prophet (SAW) or of his companions or of any great man or woman, drawing on its moral lessons. For older children it can include discussion of contemporary social issues in the light of Islamic teachings. Both the father and mother should take turns in leading the discussions, and as the children get a little older they should also be asked to present some of the lessons.
Biographies and even fictional stories in which good children or adults play the leading roles can inspire your children to love good conduct and noble actions. Good behaviour described in abstract form may not appeal to children but it takes on real life when it is made into a story (true or fictional) about people with whom they can identify.Reading Nigeria
Alternatively it focuses on corruption and pseudo-western attitudes. There is hardly anything you would wish to read to your children. It is high time some Muslim writers gave attention to this area to bring out some treasures of children's and adult literature to compare with the classics of English literature.
Some people take the view that fiction is all lies and therefore "un-Islamic". I disagree with this view. Lies are meant to deceive. Of course some novels are trash but good novels like the "classics" are inspired by a deeply felt moral viewpoint and help us through the imagination to feel the joys and sorrows of their heroes and heroines, and to share their moral dilemmas. Their virtues and vices, strengths and weaknesses are probed and seen in action and we feel love for the goodness of the good ones and loathing for the wickedness of the villains. In the absence of good Islamic novels I used to read good English classics to my children throughout their childhood and teenage and I have no doubt that they not only enjoyed them but absorbed their moral lessons in a way that they would not if I had just called them to receive moral teachings in the abstract. In reading these stories one can also between chapters pause to remark on the events and behaviour of the protagonists and thereby provide a sort of Islamic commentary which gives an additional moral focus.
When the child starts school the lessons from home should not stop. In fact this is when lessons at home become even more important as you introduce your child to Islamic ways of thinking and behaving.
While you do your best to find a school you like, where Islamic Studies forms a key element in the curriculum, you may not be lucky enough to find such a school in your area and even if you do you still need to keep your home teaching going as a supplement and a check on whether the child is actually progressing as expected.
The child learns about Islam from the way the parents practice it. The father should be seen to play his role as head and Imam of the family. The mother's teaching role is also crucial, since she is usually closer to the children in their first years of life. She is their first school.
It is good that the home should be decorated with some reminders of Islam, such as really good examples of Islamic calligraphy. Dress that accords with Islamic principles should be worn by the parents as an example to the children. Shoes should be removed on entering the house. Children should be taught to say "As-Salaamu 'Alaykum" when they enter the house or a room. The parents should teach them these and other rules of Islamic adab (manners and etiquette).
When the child is old enough to join parents properly in prayer, it is time to give him or her a prayer mat by way of encouragement.
During Ramadan children also like to fast, and this can be encouraged according to their age. They may start with half a day (after getting up for Suhur), and gradually lengthen their fast or increase the number of days until they can fast like an adult.
They should know that their parents are giving out their zakah, and are engaged in regular acts of charity, so that the children grow up with this practice. They also should be encouraged to give in charity from any money they may be given from time to time.
You can also show them videocassettes about Haj or watch TV programmes on Hajj when the time comes.
The feasts of 'Eid ul Fitr and 'Eid ul Adha should also be celebrated with the good Islamic practices of visits, gift-giving and games and entertainments that help to make the festivals joyous occasions which children look forward to.
Children take many of their values from their parents, observing what the parents consider important. For example if a child sees his mummy and daddy and older children standing for prayer, he learns that this is important to them and joins them, bobbing up and down in imitation of his role models.
The way you respond to and talk about the death of a close relative influences his own attitude to death. The way you discuss someone's illness or misfortune or the way you discuss money affects the way he sees these things. The way you behave to your own parents teaches children what respect and kindness is due to their own parents. Therefore if you try to keep your own responses and attitudes in accordance with the Qur'anic viewpoint you have shown your child this viewpoint which he internalizes from an early age.
Perhaps your child comes to you crying that something happened in school - an accident, bullying, stealing, unfair punishment by a teacher and so on. How do you respond? Which of these things are important enough to see the school about, which need only consolation? Does the child find in you a sense of re-assurance, justice, fairness, objectivity. The child tells you that someone was accused of doing juju (i.e. black magic) on another person as a result of which something happened. How do you respond to this? Do you openly or implicitly show preference for a male child? Do you show gratitude to Allah when things go well? Do you show sabr (i.e. patience in adversity) when things go wrong? Do you encourage your children to befriend other good children? Don't forget the proverb: "Birds of a feather flock together".
The conversations that the child hears in the house between his parents influence his perception of the marriage relationship and also of the relative status of men and women. Do you and your spouse snow mutual respect and affection? Or is one of you a tyrant giving out orders? Do the parents disagree by shouting and walking out slamming the door?
It is very important that parents who cannot get on together should avoid angry emotional scenes and shouting in front of their children. Children can be terrified by such behaviour and the psychological scars of it, (particularly if it leads to divorce), can affect the children for life. It often leads to problems in their own marriages due to the sense of insecurity it creates in the children at this impressionable age.
If this "informal" learning is not Islamic in tone, the more formal teaching of Islam to your children may not be very successful. You will lack credibility if you do not practice what you preach. By the more formal teaching of Islam and of Islamic moral values I mean something like an Islamic family circle, to be conducted daily after one of the prayers, for example after Maghrib or after Subh prayers, said in congregation. During Ramadan it can be done after Tarawih.
The Family Islamic Circle should be made enjoyable, not something the children dread and fear. Offer praise not punishment. You can make your own syllabus and time-table for this, depending on the ages and standards of the children. It can include recitation of short Surahs and passages of the Qur'an which they may have learned and discussion of their meaning. It could be the study of the meaning of selected Hadith. It could be a demonstration by the child of some of the acts of prayer, I It could be in the form of a quiz. It could be a discussion of any of the moral teachings of Islam, or a recounting of an event in the life of the Prophet (SAW) or of his companions or of any great man or woman, drawing on its moral lessons. For older children it can include discussion of contemporary social issues in the light of Islamic teachings. Both the father and mother should take turns in leading the discussions, and as the children get a little older they should also be asked to present some of the lessons.
Biographies and even fictional stories in which good children or adults play the leading roles can inspire your children to love good conduct and noble actions. Good behaviour described in abstract form may not appeal to children but it takes on real life when it is made into a story (true or fictional) about people with whom they can identify.
Alternatively it focuses on corruption and pseudo-western attitudes. There is hardly anything you would wish to read to your children. It is high time some Muslim writers gave attention to this area to bring out some treasures of children's and adult literature to compare with the classics of English literature.
Some people take the view that fiction is all lies and therefore "un-Islamic". I disagree with this view. Lies are meant to deceive. Of course some novels are trash but good novels like the "classics" are inspired by a deeply felt moral viewpoint and help us through the imagination to feel the joys and sorrows of their heroes and heroines, and to share their moral dilemmas. Their virtues and vices, strengths and weaknesses are probed and seen in action and we feel love for the goodness of the good ones and loathing for the wickedness of the villains. In the absence of good Islamic novels I used to read good English classics to my children throughout their childhood and teenage and I have no doubt that they not only enjoyed them but absorbed their moral lessons in a way that they would not if I had just called them to receive moral teachings in the abstract. In reading these stories one can also between chapters pause to remark on the events and behaviour of the protagonists and thereby provide a sort of Islamic commentary which gives an additional moral focus.
Some of these
children's stories have been made into films, which also contain moral
teachings. "The Wizard of Oz", "The Secret Garden", 'The
Jungle Books", and numerous others are attractive to children in the video
age. Of course one must also make use of the few Islamically oriented books and
video cassettes that are produced by Muslims, mainly in the U.K. and the United States
My point is that unless we channel our children towards good books and good films they will instead watch bad films or read useless books or no books at all because they have never been taught to love books. And if Muslims insist on regarding themselves as too holy to write serious novels, they cannot complain if the children are brought up on novels written by non-Muslims which may contribute nothing but negative attitudes towards their Islamic moral development.
It must be emphasized that both parents have a role to play in their children's moral development. The children belong to both parents and the girl needs to feel the love and concern other father as much as the boy feels the love and concern of his mother. There is a tendency in some families for the father to make himself into a remote, superior being whom the children are too scared to approach. He beats them when their school reports are not good, but does not take time to talk to them and find out why, or how the child could be helped to improve. Healthy family life requires a more loving relationship between father and children and they should not. be made to feel afraid of talking to their parents about things that are worrying them. The father should also avoid showing favoritism towards one or more of their children, particularly in a polygamous marriage, otherwise it is likely to arouse partisanship on the part of the wives as well as the children.
It is also important that children should be given a share of the household chores and other assignments within the family, so that they get used to being given responsibilities and being helpful to others.
As the children grow up the parents have to adjust to the feet that they are growing up and are on the threshold of adulthood. They know much more than we wish to believe. It is time therefore for the Family Islamic Circle to include discussion of adult issues such as relations w'iffi 4he opposite sex, marriage, AIDS, and social and political issues in the light of Islamic teachings.
What is it that we are actually aiming at in teaching Islam to our children at home? I would identify four aims, of which the last is the most important:
1. The first is to give them knowledge of the Qur'an and Hadith in a language they can understand to enable them to know how to live and behave as Muslims, including the moral teachings. These need to be explained with reference to the benefit or harm of certain practices or behaviour, such as truthfulness, taking alcohol, decent dressing, chastity etc.
2. The second is to teach them how to perform the acts of worship correctly and in the right spirit.
3. The third is to give them knowledge about the principles, laws and historical development of Islam and the Muslim world so that they know how to explain Islam to others and correct misinformation about it (that is, to conduct da'wah) and also so that they can participate in the contemporary development and application of Islam in the modem context. In this context they should also know the true meaning and spirit of jihad as striving for self-discipline and purification as well as for social justice and equity.
4. The fourth and most important is to provide motivation to the attainment of Taqwa by the young Muslim. This requires some comment. The Qur'an itself makes a distinction between a Muslim and a Mu'min. A Muslim is one who has formally accepted Islam, "submitted" to God and is to be regarded as a member of the Muslim Ummah with regard to his rights and duties. A Mu'min is one who not only outwardly submits but has fully internalized his Imaan. It has pervaded his heart and acts. This consciousness of Allah, or awe of Allah or awakening of the conscience is what is called Taqwa in the Qur'an and it is crucial to the individual's spiritual and moral development. All our efforts at educating our children Islamically will fall short if the attainment of 'Taqwa' is not addressed. Without it we shall teach only the outer appearance while the heart inside is dead.
How can one teach Taqwa? Indeed, can it be taught at all? In my view it cannot be taught in the sense that most other topics are taught. It is not something that can be written on a blackboard, memorized and reproduced in an examination. Moreover whether a child will attain it or not depends on the state of readiness of his own heart. Some children's hearts are more open than others', and Taqwa cannot be learned by force, but by reflection and personal experience.
However, the fact that we cannot teach Taqwa directly does not mean that we cannot teach it at all. We have rather to use indirect means - drawing his attention to pointers that make connections, helping him to think for himself and to cultivate the habit of reflection on what he sees around him in the creation.
This is the Qur'anic method of attaining Taqwa. Over and over again in the Qur'an Allah asks us questions: "Have they not seen (so and so of His creation?) In this indeed are signs for people who reflect (or for people who think, or for people who use their reason)".
What is the purpose of these verses and these questions? Why questions? Why not just statements? What is a question for? Some questions anticipate a known answer, while others are meant to provoke thought about things we see every day and take for granted, so that we draw conclusions.
Even the way the question is phrased indicates that this is its intention: not "have you seen?" but "have you not seen?" meaning, "You have indeed seen something, you are aware of it - so what conclusions did you draw? Did you use your reason?"
To give one of many possible examples here is Surah An-Naml (The Bee) verse 48:
"Have they then never considered any of the things that Allah has created - (how) their shadows turn right and left, prostrating themselves before God and utterly submissive (to His will)?"
The negative question is there again: "Have they never considered?" (This would make an interesting piece of research for those who care to follow it up: "Questions in the Qur'an"!)
The intention is obviously to challenge complacent minds and provoke thought, to get the reader or listener to the Qur'an to make connections between the things he observes in the world around him and often takes for granted, and the wisdom and power of Allah as the mind behind the Universe, and Who has created things with a purpose. The world is not an accident of nature, life is not an accidental mixture of chemicals, human beings are not accidental mutations of apes who evolved their way to becoming very smart. Our intelligence is not for nothing. We are from Him and to Him is the return. We are accountable for our deeds, and accountable for our behaviour on this earth.
This is the way the Qur'an teaches us, not by saying: "You must believe in A, B and C" but by asking "Haven't you noticed and thought about so-and-so and how it works? These are the things it does - what do you infer from this information?"
So this is how we can draw out Taqwa in our children throughout the period of their mental growth. And that Taqwa is what will be the basis of their moral development throughout life, and the best gift you can give them - better than designer clothes, better than the latest toys or computer games, better than whatever money can buy.
These are your children, under your care and your example. Let me end with a negative question: "Will you not then, take heed?"
My point is that unless we channel our children towards good books and good films they will instead watch bad films or read useless books or no books at all because they have never been taught to love books. And if Muslims insist on regarding themselves as too holy to write serious novels, they cannot complain if the children are brought up on novels written by non-Muslims which may contribute nothing but negative attitudes towards their Islamic moral development.
It must be emphasized that both parents have a role to play in their children's moral development. The children belong to both parents and the girl needs to feel the love and concern other father as much as the boy feels the love and concern of his mother. There is a tendency in some families for the father to make himself into a remote, superior being whom the children are too scared to approach. He beats them when their school reports are not good, but does not take time to talk to them and find out why, or how the child could be helped to improve. Healthy family life requires a more loving relationship between father and children and they should not. be made to feel afraid of talking to their parents about things that are worrying them. The father should also avoid showing favoritism towards one or more of their children, particularly in a polygamous marriage, otherwise it is likely to arouse partisanship on the part of the wives as well as the children.
It is also important that children should be given a share of the household chores and other assignments within the family, so that they get used to being given responsibilities and being helpful to others.
As the children grow up the parents have to adjust to the feet that they are growing up and are on the threshold of adulthood. They know much more than we wish to believe. It is time therefore for the Family Islamic Circle to include discussion of adult issues such as relations w'iffi 4he opposite sex, marriage, AIDS, and social and political issues in the light of Islamic teachings.
What is it that we are actually aiming at in teaching Islam to our children at home? I would identify four aims, of which the last is the most important:
1. The first is to give them knowledge of the Qur'an and Hadith in a language they can understand to enable them to know how to live and behave as Muslims, including the moral teachings. These need to be explained with reference to the benefit or harm of certain practices or behaviour, such as truthfulness, taking alcohol, decent dressing, chastity etc.
2. The second is to teach them how to perform the acts of worship correctly and in the right spirit.
3. The third is to give them knowledge about the principles, laws and historical development of Islam and the Muslim world so that they know how to explain Islam to others and correct misinformation about it (that is, to conduct da'wah) and also so that they can participate in the contemporary development and application of Islam in the modem context. In this context they should also know the true meaning and spirit of jihad as striving for self-discipline and purification as well as for social justice and equity.
4. The fourth and most important is to provide motivation to the attainment of Taqwa by the young Muslim. This requires some comment. The Qur'an itself makes a distinction between a Muslim and a Mu'min. A Muslim is one who has formally accepted Islam, "submitted" to God and is to be regarded as a member of the Muslim Ummah with regard to his rights and duties. A Mu'min is one who not only outwardly submits but has fully internalized his Imaan. It has pervaded his heart and acts. This consciousness of Allah, or awe of Allah or awakening of the conscience is what is called Taqwa in the Qur'an and it is crucial to the individual's spiritual and moral development. All our efforts at educating our children Islamically will fall short if the attainment of 'Taqwa' is not addressed. Without it we shall teach only the outer appearance while the heart inside is dead.
How can one teach Taqwa? Indeed, can it be taught at all? In my view it cannot be taught in the sense that most other topics are taught. It is not something that can be written on a blackboard, memorized and reproduced in an examination. Moreover whether a child will attain it or not depends on the state of readiness of his own heart. Some children's hearts are more open than others', and Taqwa cannot be learned by force, but by reflection and personal experience.
However, the fact that we cannot teach Taqwa directly does not mean that we cannot teach it at all. We have rather to use indirect means - drawing his attention to pointers that make connections, helping him to think for himself and to cultivate the habit of reflection on what he sees around him in the creation.
This is the Qur'anic method of attaining Taqwa. Over and over again in the Qur'an Allah asks us questions: "Have they not seen (so and so of His creation?) In this indeed are signs for people who reflect (or for people who think, or for people who use their reason)".
What is the purpose of these verses and these questions? Why questions? Why not just statements? What is a question for? Some questions anticipate a known answer, while others are meant to provoke thought about things we see every day and take for granted, so that we draw conclusions.
Even the way the question is phrased indicates that this is its intention: not "have you seen?" but "have you not seen?" meaning, "You have indeed seen something, you are aware of it - so what conclusions did you draw? Did you use your reason?"
To give one of many possible examples here is Surah An-Naml (The Bee) verse 48:
"Have they then never considered any of the things that Allah has created - (how) their shadows turn right and left, prostrating themselves before God and utterly submissive (to His will)?"
The negative question is there again: "Have they never considered?" (This would make an interesting piece of research for those who care to follow it up: "Questions in the Qur'an"!)
The intention is obviously to challenge complacent minds and provoke thought, to get the reader or listener to the Qur'an to make connections between the things he observes in the world around him and often takes for granted, and the wisdom and power of Allah as the mind behind the Universe, and Who has created things with a purpose. The world is not an accident of nature, life is not an accidental mixture of chemicals, human beings are not accidental mutations of apes who evolved their way to becoming very smart. Our intelligence is not for nothing. We are from Him and to Him is the return. We are accountable for our deeds, and accountable for our behaviour on this earth.
This is the way the Qur'an teaches us, not by saying: "You must believe in A, B and C" but by asking "Haven't you noticed and thought about so-and-so and how it works? These are the things it does - what do you infer from this information?"
So this is how we can draw out Taqwa in our children throughout the period of their mental growth. And that Taqwa is what will be the basis of their moral development throughout life, and the best gift you can give them - better than designer clothes, better than the latest toys or computer games, better than whatever money can buy.
These are your children, under your care and your example. Let me end with a negative question: "Will you not then, take heed?"
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