PARENTAL COOPERATION IN GUIDANCE WORK
Chapter
31
PARENTAL
COOPERATION IN GUIDANCE WORK
The Chapter at a Glance
Cooperation with the clinic.
Parent-teacher cooperation.
Paramount significance of
parental cooperation.
A
child spends most of his time with his parents at home. His habits, attitudes
and traits originate largely from his early home training. If parents show
wisdom and insight in their general attitude towards their children, they can
prevent many a maladjustment from taking root in them. Should a child, however,
develop any problem or difficulty, he should be referred to a psychological
clinic if one is available in and around his school or home. The guidance
program at the clinic, however, can succeed only if the parents extend the
maximum possible active co-operation to the clinic staff.
A
child also spends a considerable portion of his time at school. Many of his
problems centre round school life. The teacher can help him tremendously by
offering sympathetic guidance. But the guidance and the academic work at the
school can proceed smoothly and fruitfully only if the parents join hand with
the teacher and make a co-operative effort to understand and help the child.
Cooperation with Clinic and School
The
present chapter discusses some details of the role of parental co-operation in
guidance work. It deals with the nature, scope and purpose of parental
co-operation with:—
(1)
The staff of the child guidance clinic, and
(2)
The school teachers.
Cooperation with the Clinic
As
repeatedly pointed out, parental co-operation with the clinic staff is
indispensable for the success of any guidance program. This is so, for the
obvious reason that the parents make the most substantial contribution towards
the making or marring of their children's character and personality.
Story of an Unguided Boy and His Mother
That
it is mostly problem parents who are responsible for creating problem children
is borne out most clearly by an interesting little story. A young man, so the
story goes, murdered a person during an armed robbery. He was arrested, tried
and sentenced to death. On being asked whether he had any wish to be fulfilled
before he was hanged, the young murderer desired to see his mother.
The
mother was sent for. As soon as she arrived, her doomed son pounced upon her and gave her a severe bite on the
neck. The poor woman screamed and screamed till someone separated the two. On
being asked to account for his strange misbehavior the doomed convict said:-
The Eye-Opening Words of the Young Robber:
"It is this lady, my mother, who is really responsible for my life as well
as for the life of the unfortunate victim whom I murdered. I started pinching
my neighbor’s eggs when I was a small kid. My mummy always appreciated my skill
at stealing. She used to encourage me in my later delinquent episodes as well. Consequently,
the idea of reforming and improving myself never occurred to me. It is she who
is responsible for this tragedy and I have been impelled to pay her a befitting
tribute before I leave this world.”
These
immortal words of the young robber should serve as an eye-opener to many a
parent. If children’s undesirable habits and traits are property treated during
early years, most children would be saved from getting into serious trouble and
conflict with society.
Necessity
for Whole-Hearted Cooperation
Just
as essential as the initial timely referral of a child, with behavior
difficulties to a child guidance clinic, is the whole hearted co-operation of
the parents with the clinic staff once the referral has been made. A
psychological treatment of the problem child has little chance of success
without active co-operation of the parents. Information yielded by parents and
their active co-operation with the guidance staff is absolutely indispensable
for a treatment program to be effective and lasting.
Before
contacting the parents the clinic completes certain preliminaries with the child:
a thorough case-history is prepared, the child is interviewed and tested, his behavior
at school is observed and consultations are held with class teacher. This
equips the clinic staff with all possible information about the pathology of
the child. The stage is now set to receive the parent at the clinic.
The Parent in the Clinic
Of
the two parents the mother plays the most important role in the life of a
child. Unfortunately, however, in our country when the psychologist invites
the parents to the clinic, it is usually the father who responds. Seldom does a
mother take the trouble to attend the clinic. This might be due to the ‘purdah’
system or other social reasons restricting the movements of our women folk.
On
the arrival of a parent at the clinic the aims and objects of the clinic are
explained to him in the simplest possible language. An attempt is made to
enable him to realize that the clinic staff is as genuinely interested in the
rehabilitation and welfare of their child as the parent is himself.
Opening Take With the Parents
While
talking to the parents, utmost care should be taken to avoid the use of blunt
and discourteous language. Supposing the clinic receives a child whose trouble
is excessive stealing at the school, imagine the fury of a father when the
first words he hears from the psychologist are: "Look here, Mr. Bashir,
that troublesome boy of yours is a habitual thief. The class teacher is fed up
with his nasty habits. He considers the child is a disgrace to the entire
school. . . ."
The
psychologist rather uses polite and reasonable language in order to induce the
parents to cooperate with him. He ignites hope and confidence in them and
stimulates them to reveal more information about child's behavior at home.
Calm and Polite Talk
After
formal greetings and preliminary courtesies the psychologist starts talking
about the child. "Your child has
been coming to us for the past few days," he says calmly and politely.
"He is a nice child. If he is a bit too possessive there is no reason to
worry unduly about it. A careful attempt on our part to understand why he is so
will certainly rid him of this undesirable habit. ..........." Such an earnest and sympathetic attitude
makes the parents realize the utility of clinical guidance and the urgency of
cooperation on their part.
Exploring and Discussing Causes with Parents
The
child might have started stealing because of his excessive craving for sweets.
It might have been motivated by a desire to buy more toys, kites, etc., with
the stolen money. Sometimes the motive is simply the desire to steal and spend
the stolen money in the gay company of school-mates. Often a problem behavior
has deep-rooted causes, e.g., when a child suffering from an emotional conflict
starts stealing simply to obtain pleasure out of the fun of pinching other
people's belongings and thus to get a temporary relief from the pain of the
conflict. When a child is denied parental affection at home he may as well take
to stealing to compensate for his deprivation of affection.
All
these various probabilities are explored and discussed with the parents. When a
particular cause or causes have been ascertained, the various methods of
removing them from the life of the child are then discussed with the parents.
The Spirit of the Interview
The
more tactful and insightful a psychologist is in maintaining the friendly
atmosphere of the interview with the parents the more successful shall he be in
obtaining the necessary information from them regarding the child. He may, if
he needs, obtain from them more detailed information regarding the child's
personal habits, his attitudes towards other family members, his interests,
indoor and outdoor recreations, unusual traits of behavior that annoy the
parents most and even data regarding personal life of the parents themselves.
He can put various aspects of the collected information to use in developing an
insight into the child and in offering him effective guidance.
The
spirit of the interview throughout the parents' stay at the clinic should,
therefore, be that of friendly discussion and mutual understanding such as
prevail in a family atmosphere. It should never assume the shape of blunt
examinations and cross-examinations characteristic of a trial in a court of
law.
Causes of Uncooperative Behavior of
Parents
Most
parents co-operate with the clinic and furnish helpful information regarding
the child. But quite a large number of parents are uncooperative. This lack of
cooperation is motivated by various factors. There are parents who
misunderstand the function of the guidance clinic. They consider the child's
visit to the clinic to be signatory for him. Some have fears that the
psychologist will not respect their privacies and confidential data about the
home life may leak out and become common knowledge.
There
are other parents who suffer from the illusion that even the most serious
anomalies in their children will disappear with maturation and age. The logical
corollary to this style of parental thinking is that there is no reason to pay
serious attention to children's troubles at early stages in their lives. To
some other parents, stealing, truancy, educational backwardness, etc., do not
appear to be problems at all. Still others take the view that severe
punishments at school and a rigid parental discipline home are all that is
needed to put deviant child on "the right track".
These
and a host of other miscellaneous factors become responsible for indifference
or uncooperative attitude of the parents towards the guidance staff at the
clinic. The uncooperative attitudes of the parents sometimes assume the shape
of resentment and hostility towards the clinic staff and their guidance
procedures.
Educating Parents for Cooperation
In
all such cases it becomes essential for the clinic to open up a parallel course
of guidance and psychotherapy with the parents.
By
persuasion, forceful suggestions and even through films and books about proper
child-care, attempts are made to enable the parents to form a correct picture
of the nature, scope and function of a child guidance clinic. Resolute efforts
are made to eradicate their unscientific attitudes towards their children. They
are given easy, useful and practical suggestions regarding the proper guidance
of their children. The necessity and urgency of implementing the suggested
guidance procedures is brought home to them as vividly as possible. In short,
every attempt is made to elicit their active and continued cooperation with the
clinic staff and its guidance programs.
The
success or failure of a child guidance clinic in resolving the problems of the
children referred to it for guidance is largely determined by the success or
failure of the process of educating the parents to an understanding and
sympathetic attitude, and by the quality and quantity of their cooperation with
the guidance staff.
Parent-Teacher Cooperation
The
nature and extent of parental cooperation—not only with the staff of the child
guidance clinic but also with the school teachers—is a major factor in deciding
the success or failure of a guidance program with the children. Best results
are obtained when the teachers and the parents actively cooperate for a better
understanding and guidance of the child in his everyday problems.
The Community of Interest in the
Child
Parents
and teachers have different outlooks and attitudes towards the child. The
parents are interested in the child's future. They want him to complete his
education successfully and to become a healthy, efficient and independent
member of the community.
The
teacher, too, is interested in the child though his interest assumes a slightly
different shape. He is interested in the child primarily as a member of the
class and secondarily as a future citizen. His interest in him is not and
cannot possibly be as individualistic as that of the parents. In any case,
differently colored as it may be, both parents and teachers do take interest in
the child, and this, at least, is one thing they have in common.
This
community of interest in the child is very favorable for the development of a
cooperative attitude between parents and the teachers in matters of child
guidance.
Spirit of Parent-Teacher Interview
When
a teacher has sent word to the parents to call on him at the school in
connection with the problems of their children he should be careful regarding
the mode of greeting, talking, etc., with the parents when they come. The first
meeting between the teacher and the parents sets the tone for all later contacts
between the two.
Just
imagine what will be the reaction of a parent if the first thing that he hears
from the teacher is: "I am sorry, Mr. Nazir your son is an utter nuisance.
………." The teacher should rather be courteous and talk to the parents as
politely as possible. In order to achieve better results he could thus address
a worried father: "Hello Mr. Kareem, how are you? I am glad to have met
you. I am sure you are the right person to help me to understand your son
better. ..........."
Exchange of Information about the Child
After
the preliminary greetings, both of them could exchange their observations and
impressions regarding the child in a friendly atmosphere characterized by a
spirit of mutual understanding. The teacher could tell the parent several
things about the child and the parent in return could reveal many interesting
details to the teacher.
The
teacher, for instance, could tell the parent that the child came late to the
school, wore dirty clothes and needed special coaching in Arithmetic. The
parent might then be able to point out factors in the home life which appear to
him to be associated with the shortcomings of the child. The teacher may well
reveal to him a number of undesirable trends in the child the presence of which
he had never before realized.
Changed Approach towards the Child
Both
of them could then work out a mutual plan to make a better approach to the
child. This usually involves a change in attitude on both the sides.
The
teacher, for instance, might feel the necessity of paying more individual
attention to the child in the class and giving him such class and home work as
is not too hard for him. Similarly, the parent might feel he should take more
interest in the child at home and see that he improves in his attitudes towards
personal cleanliness, home work, etc.
The
extent of which, by mutual cooperation and understanding, parents and teachers
are willing to change their approach to the child is the measure of the degree
of success that can be expected from the guidance program. To what extent will
the parents and teachers be willing to effect desirable changes in their
handling of the child? This, again, is dependent upon the quality and quantity
of the co-operation between them.
Parent-Teacher Association
The
desirable effect of parent-teacher cooperation for the health and well-being of
children cannot be exaggerated. Meetings and contacts between parents and
teachers should be held as frequently as possible.
Nature, Purpose and Function: The most
organized way of effecting a sound co-operation between the parents and the
teachers and to utilize it for a proper guidance of the children is the
establishment of a Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) at the school.
The
PTA is a sort of a socio-cultural society composed of the school staff and the
parents of those children who are on the rolls of the school. The association
holds its annual or biannual functions wherein parents and teachers meet and
make informal exchanges of views and impressions regarding their children, the
school life, etc.
The
association carries on other miscellaneous social and cultural activities as
well which are usually organized at the school campus. The purpose of all these
varied activities of the PTA is to promote mutual understanding, cooperation,
goodwill and harmony between teachers and parents, and to exploit it to the
full in the guidance of the school children.
Promotion of Favorable Guidance
Atmosphere
Experience
shows that the organization of such associations proves very helpful for the
individual child, his parents, the school staff and also the guidance workers
at the clinic. It is, in fact, one of the smoothest and the most congenial ways
of providing an adequate guidance atmosphere for the child at home and at the
school.
Establishment
of a PTA, therefore, should figure as an integral part of any guidance program
launched at a school.
Paramount Significance of Parental
Cooperation
From
the foregoing discussion, one central fact should emerge paramount and supreme:
Parental cooperation is fundamental to any guidance program.
Whether
it is a guidance clinic employing psychological methods with problem children
or a teacher struggling with a backward pupil in the class, unless the warm and
active cooperation of the parents is forthcoming, nothing much could be
achieved with any child.
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