INFLUENCE OF THE FAMILY

Chapter 9

"INFLUENCE OF THE FAMILY"

The Chapter at a Glance

The two-fold function of family.

Moulding role of the family.

Diversified influence of the family.

Types of Problem-Parents.

Influence of siblings and birth order.

The exceptional child and home adjustment.

Influence of relatives.

Need for family guidance.

We now turn to a discussion of the role of the family in child development. An attempt shall be made to analyze the various familial factors that impede or promote a child’s growth and the development of his personality. Dynamics of the various forces, processes, persons, etc., favorable or adversely operative in this direction shall be reviewed in the present chapter.

The Two-Fold Function of Family

            Whatever the country or culture, a normal family has to perform a two-fold function:

(1)               The biological function, and

(2)               The cultural function.

The biological function of the family consists in the begetting of children, protecting them especially when they are dependent and providing them with all suitable opportunities for growing into healthy and adjusted adults.

            One the cultural side the family severs as a sort of cultural workshop wherein persons of different sex, age, interests and aptitudes live, work and recreate together in order eventually to grow into civilized, mature and useful members of the community.

            At birth the human infant is very helpless. He needs continued care and adequate guidance for his survival and growth. Says Gesell:

“The child’s personality is a product of slow and gradual growth. His nervous system matures by stages and natural sequences. He sits before he stands; he babbles before he talks, he fabricates before he tells the truth; he draws a circles before he draws a square, he is selfish before he is altruistic; he is dependent on others before he achieves dependence on self. All of his abilities, including his morals, are subject to laws of growth. The task of child care is not to force him into a predetermined pattern but to guide his growth”

Moulding Role of the Family

           Such a reasonable guidance is only possible in a healthy family. By providing an adequate and balanced guidance in this direction a good family ultimately succeeds in developing its children into mentally and physically healthy members of the community. Conversely a bad family, by its undesirable outlook and attitudes, becomes responsible for turning out children who are most likely to bring a bad name to themselves, to their family and to the community at large.

            A child hailing from a home, where parents are educated, have good habits and attitudes and have healthy social and cultural interests, is likely to develop into a responsible and a healthy adult. He feels strongly inclined to appreciate and to develop good manners social grace, courtesy, tolerance, self-control, co-operation, moral stability, love of goodness, beauty and justice, etc. On the other hand an unfortunate child living in a home where parents are illiterate, discourteous, callous, immoral, criminal, etc., has far less chance to flourish and to develop into a healthy and socially useful adult.

Diversified Influences of the Family

            In this section of the chapter some spheres of influence of the family on the child’s life and development have been discussed.

Family Life an Intelligence of Children:

            That the child-rearing behavior and attitudes and the general atmosphere of the family profoundly influences the development of children’s intelligence has been borne out by a number of interesting studies.

            In a study conducted by Baldwin, Kalhorn and Breese it was found that children brought up in a home atmosphere characterized by freedom, emotional warmth, encouragement and appreciation of achievement, etc. were favored with significant gains in intelligence. The increase in intelligence of children from such homes was also faster than that of those coming from homes lacking in such a healthy emotional atmosphere.

Democratic Homes Promote Intelligence:

            The same investigation found that children belonging to democratic homes were significantly high in those items on the intelligence test which measured such traits as originality, playfulness, patience, curiosity and fancifulness. They also had high powers of creativity and imagination to reinforce their high I.Q and to put it to proper use. On the contrary, children from homes with indulgent or rejecting parents were very low in these traits.

            A number of other studies have also established that a democratic home environment in which the child feels secure and happy is most conducive to children’s proper mental development. A non-indulgent parental attitude promotes an all round intellectual growth. The least stimulating and the most unfavorable environment seem to be the highly indulgent and the extremely restrictive home atmospheres.

Need for Security

            A child’s most basic need is the feeling of security. Thus he needs bodily security which implies that he must be protected from all sorts of dangers threatening the continuity of life. He also needs economic, social, cultural, educational, recreational and, in fact, all sorts of securities. Psychological security is a concept which is comprehensive enough to include all of these security needed by any child anywhere in the world.

            One of the fundamental responsibilities of a home, therefore, is to provide this psychological security to the child. A child who gets an adequate dose of psychological security at home has every chance to grow into a sturdy, cheerful, cooperative and useful adult. On the contrary, a child who is denied the feeling of security at home is most likely to develop into a restive person, lacking confidence in him and in others and devoid of a zest for life.

Effect of Tension at Home

            A home which is perpetually affected with some sort of tension is bound to make an adverse effect on the growth and personality of the child. The presence of any undesirable element at home, especially a disturbing emotional factor, may become a source of generating temporary or parental harmony which follows creates an atmosphere of extreme insecurity for the children.

            That an atmosphere of tension at home proves exceedingly injurious for the children has been borne out by many studies. Most of the research reveals that the majority of the problem-children come from tension ridden families. Conversely most of the normal children have been found to hail from homes which were characterized by an atmosphere of emotional harmony, relaxation, calm, etc. Brackett for instance, found that children who were cheerful and laughed most belonged to happy homes which abounded in laughter.

Tension and Personality Growth

            A tense home leaves a more or less permeated stamp on the personality of the child. Several studies have established the fact that most of the persons suffering from undesirable personality traits in late adolescence and early adult life, when asked about their early life, revealed that owing to a constant tension at home they had an unhappy childhood.

            Tension at home during early childhood has also been found in later years to have affected their married life. It has thus been found that children from conflict and tension- stricken families have far less chances of marital adjustment as compared with children from tension-free and happy homes.

Broken Homes

            The home which has the most unfavorable influence on the life and personality of the child is the broken home. It is indeed an unfortunate home in which separation takes place between the husband and the wife because of the death of one of the them, divorce, desertion, disease, crime, immorality, vice, etc. an equally grim variety of ‘broken home’ is one wherein there is no apparent physical separation between the parents but wherein a psychological separation takes place leading to an extremely bitter estrangement between them. Parents in such a broken home may apparently be living together but they are separated in love and mutual understanding.

            Whatever the nature of the broken home and whatever the factors causing the break between the father and the mother, such a tragic home has the most undesirable effect on the growth and personality of the child. Instead of providing the child with the much needed emotional warmth and security it offers him an extremely unfavorable environment characterized by coldness, callousness, indifference and in cases even deliberate physical violence. Such a depressing, discouraging and revolting home atmosphere, besides endangering the mental health of the child, is also most liable to drag him into anti-social and delinquent behavior.

Wrong Patterns of Parental Authority

             A wrong use of parental authority is also a major source of maladjustment among children. Healthy parental discipline is a medium for producing wholesome and adjusted personalities. Homes where parents are usually over aggressive, quarrelsome, domineering, ill tempered, emotionally unstable, inconsistent and irrational in their general attitude towards children, become responsible for infecting the lives of their children with elements of strain, tension, inhibition, frustration and unhappiness. Similarly, homes wherein the pattern of parental authority is characterized by excessive careerism, suppression, undue and frequent punishing, parental over protection or over indulgence, etc. is also liable to have a very adverse effect on the process of the smooth growth of children.

Their Injurious Effect on the Child

            Just imagine the plight of an unfortunate child in a home where neither of the two all- powerful parents has the slightest sense of using authority temperately. A home where the child repeatedly hears such shrill reminders from a tyrant father as: “It is none of your business”, “mind your own……”, ”shut up”, “Don’t talk nonsense”, “If I see you do that again I‘II break your neck”, etc., tec. impels the child to develop hatred and aggression towards the father and everyone else.

            Similarly a home where the parental authority is arbitrary, fickle and unpredictable turns a child into an opportunist. A home with too many Don’ts and Do’s, howsoever reasonable they might appear to be kills all initiative in a child. A home expecting complete submission and obedience from the child produces a child whose personality is either cowed down or is inwardly resistant and rebellious. Similarly, homes with too lax or too strict discipline resulting from physical disease, immorality of the parents etc., provides an opportunity for the child to develop into a repressed individual or a devil-may-care type or even vagabond and delinquent.

            The only reasonable pattern authority at home is one which is balanced. It is neither too lax nor too strict. A healthy home discipline combines the demands of affection and control in a manner suiting the temperament of the individual child.

Types of Problem Parents

            Those unhappy, unadjusted and unhealthy parents who usually fail to provide the children with an atmosphere of psychological security at home and thereby impede the free and frank development of their personality are problem parents. Some types of problem parents and dynamic of the adverse influence on their children of their problem behavior in the home are discussed here. The conspicuous types of such problem parents are:

(1)               Irresponsible parents.

(2)               Inconsistent parents.

(3)               Sadistic parents.

(4)               Repressed and undemonstrative parents.

(5)               Jealous parents.

(6)               Over ambitious parents.

(7)               Sentimental parents.

(8)               Over cautious parents.

(9)               Extrovert parents

(1)   Irresponsible Parents

             Certain in negligent parents when asked about the undesirable behavior of their children tend to play the entire blame on others. Instead of accepting the responsibility themselves they throw it entirely on to teachers, friends, street influences, etc. Sometimes each one of the parents holds the other responsible for the child’s misconduct. Thus the husband accuses the wife and the wife holds the husband blameworthy and so on.     

            Such irresponsible parents produce children who are liable to lack any sense of responsibility or discipline in later life.

(2)   Inconsistent Parents 

            Inconsistent parents are those who are not accustomed to adhere to any reasonable pattern of discipline and authority consistently for any period of time. It has been observed that some parents, who are exceedingly exacting and punitive towards their children, sometimes become extremely indulgent when a child falls sick or injured. The child in such a home is, therefore, liable to use his sickness or injury as a weapon to secure parental attention and affection. Another common variety of inconsistency among parents is that of those who behave in a quite balanced fashion generally, but become rash and bitter towards children when they are tired, strained or in a bad mood, etc.

            In certain homes the two parents have mutually inconsistent attitudes towards the problems of child upbringing and home discipline. The father might be extremely strict and domineering. He might be fond of shouting at and spanking the child too often. The other, on the contrary might be protective and overindulgent. In such an inconsistent home atmosphere the child comes to regard that parent as unjust who punishes him often. He usually avoids his company. He becomes excessively attached to the other parent for compensation, consolation, etc. He may very often play off one parent against the other to save his own skin or to serve a particular purpose in view.

(3)   Sadistic Parents        

            Those parents who get pleasure and satisfaction from giving bodily punishment to their children are sadistic parents. Such parents feel a sense of achievement and power in causing physical and mental torture to their own children.

                        The physical injuries that an unfortunate child receives from his butcher like parents can be examined by the society and even remedied by hospitals and courts. But the emotional wounds that a cruel parent inflicts on the mind of an innocent and defenseless child are usually too subtle and too deep to be detected and treated so easily. A sadistic handling by the parents demolishes all self confidence and self assertion in a child. Such inhumane treatment makes a most ruthless invasion on his happiness, tranquility and well-being.

(4)        Repressed and Undemonstrative Parents

            Some parents are so repressed, undemonstrative and self conscious that they are unable to express their affectionate feelings and emotions in the presence of their children. The children are thus inclined to think that their parents are devoid of any affection for them. They feel extremely unwanted and insecure at home.

            Such children are also liable to develop the same emotional repression in them. They may equally well seek the much needed affection and attention from other elderly persons outside the home. Thus are flung open to them the doors leading to doubtful, immoral and delinquent directions.

(5)        Jealous Parents

            Strange as it might appear, sometimes parents develop jealousies and rivalries with each other and even with their children over the real or imaginary attention paid to or received from the children by either one of them. Thus a wife finding her husband too much attached to the little baby and appearing to ignore her almost entirely is most liable to become jealous of the husband or of the baby or both of them.

            Such a parental jealousy has the unhealthiest effect on the lives of the parents as well as the children. In such an unfortunate home, children are either ignored altogether or are used as tools to annoy or to win over each other. Frequently a child becomes the target of the repressed feelings of hatred, disliking, etc., of their parents. He is inclined to develop and to brood over the feeling that neither of the two parents has any genuine affection for him. He develops a grudge and suspicion against them which might then extend to all elderly people in and outside the home.

(6)      Over Ambitious Parent

            Some parents are too ambitious for their children. They want to turn them overnight into giants of power, wisdom, knowledge and skill. They scold and spank them too often even for their minor faults and errors. They never consider it worthwhile to appreciate the achievements which fall short of their own lofty, ambitious, adult ideals.

            Such an overambitious parental attitude is most likely to produce children with snobbish personalities, lacking initiative and any vital creative urge.

(7)     Over Cautious Parents

Over cautious parents are too fond of frequently thrusting suggestions, advices, warnings, etc., on their children. Usually an only child or a male child born after too many daughters becomes a victim of such overcautious home discipline. By inhibiting children too much, over cautions parents kill confidence and initiative in them.

            Such children are liable to grow into apprehensive and dependent personalities. They usually display utter lack of the sense of discriminating good from evil, unless cautioned by an elderly authority.

(8)        Sentimental Parents

            Some parents are too sentimental towards their children.  They love them lavishly. This happens frequently in those homes where some adverse factors or events have disturbed the emotional life of the parents, e.g. unhappy marriage, death of one of the children’s parents, etc.

            Frequently also such parents are those who have had been denied affection during their own childhood. By showing undue affection towards their children they attempt to compensate for the lack of affection and emotional warmth shown towards them by their own parents in their childhood days. Sometimes the over indulgent attitude might be due to the fact that the parents are extremely sentimental and tender hearted by nature. They find that they cannot help loving their children too over powering.

            Overdose affection is as injurious for a child as a complete denial of it. An over indulged child is liable to develop into a spoiled child and remain emotionally infantile even in later adult life. His over attachment to his parents might seriously interfere with his social adjustment to people outside the home.

(9)        Extrovert Parents

            Extrovert parents are those ultra modern mothers and fathers who spend most of their time outside the home mostly for the sake of their personal recreation and pleasure. Imagine the plight of a poor child whose extrovert father is always glued to a chair in the coffee house or a restaurant, or generally always busy with one thing or the other outside the home! Similarly an ultra social mother might be utterly lost in the glamour of the ladies club and the cultural affairs of her expanding social circle. She forgets completely that a forlorn, little child at home is so anxiously looking forward to her return. She fails to realize that he too needs some, at least, of her motherly attention and affection.  

            Such a home is liable to produce children who are extremely deficient in affection. The culture, education outlook and personality of such unfortunate children is usually predominantly patterned after the whims of the nurses and tutor with whom they spend most of their time.

Psychological Treatment of Problem Parents

            These are some of the kinds of peculiar daddies and mummies who can be safely labeled as problem parents. If such parents find it difficult to understand themselves and to realize the injurious effect of their problem behavior on the health and well being of their children, they should hasten to consult a psychologist for proper treatment. Such treatment can be immensely useful for themselves as well as for their children.

            Minor manifestation of problem behavior; however, do not require much specialized treatment. A problem parent can, if he wishes, successfully attempt to understand his difficulties and improve his attitude towards the child by constant personal effort. Specialized psychological literature on this subject can prove immensely instructive in such an attempt at self understanding.

Influence of Siblings and the Birth Order

            Brothers and sisters make a profound influence on the personality and behavior of the child. A child having siblings at home is generally more favorably affected as compared with the child who has none. Brothers and sister at home provide readily available play mates when other children are not easily accessible. This prevents a child from becoming an isolate.

            However, a family with a number of brothers and sisters is not necessarily more fortunate than one without them unless the relationship existing between the siblings are congenial, friendly and cooperative. The precise nature and quality of inter-sibling relationship can be studied by obtaining the reports of the parents and the teachers and even of the siblings themselves. But the best method is by observing the sibling behavior at play and work in home and school without letting them know that they are being watched.

            Often the mere birth order or position in the family affects the thought and behavior of the children immensely. From this point of view the children with most conspicuous birth positions are as follows:-               

(1)               The only child.

(2)               The oldest child.

(3)               The youngest child.

(4)               The unwanted child.

(5)               The only boy among girls or only girl among boys.    

            Certain most commonly noticed effects of such prominent birth positions in the family are presented here for consideration. The reader should, however, remember that individual variations on the pattern of behavior outlined have very frequently been observed.

(1)   The Only Child: The only child is born in a world of elders. From the very start he is denied the much needed company of children at home. Being the only child he is usually the pet of everybody at home. Exceptional parental affection is most likely to spoil him. His sole companions at home are the parents. Too much of the adult company deprives him of the chances to learn the art of mixing and getting on with the children of his age group.

However mindful the parents might be of this handicap of the only child, even their best intention and effort cannot become adequate substitutes for brothers and sisters and playmates.

(i)                 Onlyness and the Socio-Economic Status of the Family: Different problems beset the only child in families of different socio-economic status. Thus in our culture the only child in upper class family, for instance, has abundant chances to go astray. Being constantly admired and looked after by a battery of servants, nurses, tutors, etc., besides the parents, the only child in a rich family is liable to develop and cling to the feeling that he is the be-all and end-all of everything. Consequently, he may easily grow into an adult who gives very little, and expects too much, from the society. He knows only how to be served and is utterly ignorant of the necessity or desirability of serving others. In the beginning just spoiled child, he may as well grow into an adult who creates trouble and confusion in any and every sphere of life he happens to enter during later years.

       In lower class families the only child faces another extreme situation. Right from early childhood the poor only child finds the he is virtually the only servant of the family. Semi-adult responsibilities are thrust upon his shoulders at a very tender age with the result that he gets little of the enjoyment, experience and training of childhood. Being neglected and roughly handled all the time he is liable to grow into an adult who believes that to be a victim and to victimize others is human destiny.

    Too much is expected from the only child in a middle class family. He has to do this and to avoid that, etc. He is expected to grow rapidly into a real, ideal youth and an excellent adult. Such a child is consequently most likely to be an anxious child, a restive youth and a furtive adult. If not properly guided he might become a perpetual victim of anxiety and nervous troubles.

(ii)               Some Measures against Undesirable Effects of Onlyness:  Very well-organized nursery play-groups in the neighborhood or nursery schools are the best places in which the undesirable behavior and personality traits usually developed by the only child can be effectively remedied. Proper handling at home and adequate guidance at the nursery can counteract many undesirable trends usually associated with onlyness.

    Lower class families can at least provide the company of neighboring children and cheap indoor recreations for the only child. This will offset considerably the taxing effect of the overwhelming burden of responsibilities thrust upon his shoulders from early infancy. Making such a provision might be too difficult or even impossible for a very poor family. Anyhow, some sort of measure, suiting the imagination and the resources of the family, shall have to be adopted to save the only child from developing into a serious problem when relatively much more money and more attention will be needed to bring him back to normalcy.

(2)        The Oldest Child: The older child usually assumes considerable significance in a family.    Once the only child, he is now like a dethroned king. He might resent, consciously or unconsciously, his fall from that major position as the centre of the whole family. Sometimes the situation is worsened by parents who hold up the oldest child, especially if he happens to be exceptionally talented, as an example for the younger children. Such parents might then expect that the younger children should also follow the eldest child's pattern of thought and behavior literally. Such a parental expectation is liable to evoke the jealousy or even hostility of the younger children. It thus creates a situa­tion of conflict and adds to the complications of the family.

Before the arrival of a new baby the older child must be pampered to welcome him warmly. If adequate guidance is provided, the senior most child can act as a teacher, guide and friend of the junior in the family.

(3)        The Youngest Child: The youngest child is most likely to be pampered and indulged by the parents as well as the older brothers and sisters at home. Consequently, he usually suffers from a prolonged babyhood. Whether sitting or eating or playing or reading or even going to bed, a number of people at home watch his movements perpetually. Everybody directs, guides and advises him all the time lest the little beloved pet of the family should suffer on account of their negligence.

Such a child is liable often to develop into a dependent personality, always watching and expecting others to do and think for him. Too much of attention and control at home might also incite rebellion and negativism in him and also create a lot of mental confusion. He may well become a little dictator, taking advantage of everyone in the family. If he finds that he is not able to manipulate others or manage his own affairs he may well grow into a sentimental, unstable and an ill-disciplined individual.

Parents should remember that a child who is permitted to go at his own pace in this business of growing up is not likely to be either too babyish and dependent or too assertive and pugnacious. With adequate guidance and balanced handling at home he approaches life as a cheerful, self-confident and independent person.

(4)        The Unwanted Child: Sometimes parents get a baby when they had no desire to have any child at all, or they get a daughter when they wanted a son instead or vice versa. The baby born in such an unwelcoming home situation is an unwanted child. Such an unwelcome child soon discovers that his parents don't appear to feel any warmth or affection for him. He feels utterly insecure and frustrated. Imagine the plight of a seventh daughter in a family where the previous six issues were all females and where the parents had been intensely longing for a male issue all that time! The poor little thing soon discovers that she almost does not exist for her callous parents.

            Parents should realize that an unwanted child might become such a serious problem in later years that guidance or treatment might then require far more time, energy and expendi­ture as compared with the small amount of normal affection which could easily be extended to a child during the routine discharge of everyday parental functions at home.

(5)        The Only Boy among Girls or Only Girl among Boy: The only boy in a family of girls is most likely to develop into a "sissy". Conversely, the only girl in a family of boys might grow up into a "tomboy". Being the only one of the other sex, such a child may be pampered and over-indulged by his parents and siblings. In our culture this is more likely to happen with the only boy in a family with otherwise all female issue. Such exceptional treatment is usually more pronounced in our upper class and, to some extent, even in middle class families.

            In such situations, providing adequate opportunities for the child of the solitary sex to mix frequently with children of the same sex in the neighborhood and the school will go a long way towards remedying the injurious effect of the faulty home atmosphere.

(6)        The Adopted Child: A childless family might attempt to increase its happiness by adopting a child. Such children are usually orphan, destitute, deserted, illegitimate or other miscellaneous varieties of unclaimed children. Often they are normal children belonging to parents who are alive.

            It has been usually found that as they grow older most of the adopted children begin to feel insecure. This feeling intensifies all the more when they come to know that the adopting parents are not their real parents.  

            Adopting parents are consequently prone to hide the fact of adoption from their adopted children. This is not a desirable course to follow. As the adopted children grow older and mature in understanding it is advisable to tell them calmly and clearly that they have been adopted for ever as their adopting parent’s own children. If they then succeed in convincing their adopted child that they want him and have a genuine affection for him, the adoption is most likely to be successful. It causes less suspicion, insecurity and frustration for the adopted child.

Need for a Healthy Emotional Attitude

            The birth order or the position of a child in a family is liable to affect the growth of his thought and behavior and the development of his personality very considerably, no doubt! But this factor in itself is not the sole determination of child’s attitudes and behavior. Much depend upon the way he is brought up by his parents, traded by his siblings and handled by other adults at home. 

If the emotional atmosphere of the home is warm and balanced, every child no matter whether he is the only, the eldest, the youngest or even of the wrong sex or adopted, is bound to develop into a cheerful, efficient and healthy adult. Such a healthy emotional attitude towards children can also prevent the adverse influence of the socio-economic status of the family from marring the development of children.

The Exceptional Child and Home Adjustment

Certain exceptional and unusual children present a host of problems in connection with their adjustment at home. A few types of such exceptional children are as follows:

(1) The gifted child.

(2) The mentally retarded child.

(5) The child with defective hearing.

(6)  The crippled child.

(7)  The Physically delicate child.

The main problems of home adjustment usually related to these children are now presented for discussion.

 (1)       The Gifted Child: A gifted child is one whose ability far excels that of the children of his age group. Better general behavior and higher level of thinking characterize a gifted child. Higher score on intelligence tests is another measure to spot an exceptionally brilliant child. Such a child is distinctly higher than the average children in originality; desire to know and to excel, common sense, fore-thought, self-confidence, sense of humor, conscien­tiousness, leadership, self-control, courage, perseverance, truth­fulness, cheerfulness, optimism, appreciation of beauty and emotional balance.

These special gifts of the talented child may also serve as an impediment in his adjustment at home. Parents, for instance, might expect that the gifted child should show off his talents to all the family visitors. After sometime the child may, however, start resenting this persistent parental demand. He may even refuse to exhibit his special abilities in front of some visitors. Such situations give rise to conflicts and clashes.

(i)                 Social Immaturity of the Gifted: Moreover, being different from and superior to the siblings at home and other children in the neighborhood, the bright youngster might become too conceited. He may not feel any desire for the development of those social and cultural qualities which are essential for a satisfactory adjustment to the attitudes and behavior of other people around him. This social immaturity of the intellectually superior child is, therefore, most likely to bring him into conflict with the sibling at home and other children in the street and at school.

(ii)               Role of Parents: Parents should, therefore, be careful in handling the gifted child. They should realize that exceptional intellectual-ability is not the sole virtue essential for successful living. Social and cultural sense and emotional adjustment are as necessary as any other ability. Gifted children should, therefore, be trained to develop ability, balance and maturity in other fields of life as well. Such a training shall enable them to enjoy an all round, efficient and happy life.           

           

(2)        The Mentally Retarded child: A child who is far below the average in intelligence is a retarded child. His I Q. is usually below 70. Some of the typical characteristic of retarded children is: physical inferiority, emotional and social maladjustment, limited vocabulary, slow reaction time, short attention span, inability to generalize and to grasp abstractions, low initiative, lack of originality and diminished auto criticism, poor habits of application, hyper suggestibility, marked tendency towards delinquency, crime and immorality of a very crude type, etc.     

            A retarded child is usually disliked by other children at home, school and in the neighborhood. He suffers most if his parents insist upon him to do things which are far above the limited fund of his native capacity. This adds all the more to his sense of frustration and unhappiness.

Extremely subnormal children should not be kept at home. They should be sent to segregated institutions specially meant for them. In the interest of a better posterity, sterilization of such children is a very desirable step.

(3) The Speech Defective Child: Defects in speech range from common defects like un­attractive speech habits and inhibited speaking to such serious speech disorders as stammering, stuttering, mutism, etc. A speech defective child should be medically examined and properly treated during the earliest manifestations of his disability.

Often speech defects turn out to be psychogenic, i.e., they are caused by some deeper emotional tension or mal-adjustment in the life of the child. In such cases a proper psychological treatment can cure the defect almost miraculously. Such a treatment aims at relieving the child of the painful and disturb­ing emotional load on his mind which prevents the smooth flow of his speech.

At home parents can also help a speech defective child tremendously by adopting a healthy and understanding attitude towards him. Getting annoyed or amused at his defective speech and humiliating him are extremely undesirable attitudes. Such attitudes aggravate his difficulties.

Parents should endeavor to understand the difficulties encountered by the speech defective child in uttering various words correctly. By showing affection and understanding and by demonstrating correct pronunciation of various words they could encourage him to speak correctly and clearly. In any case, over-attention, pity or ridicule should be avoided. Siblings and associates should also be discouraged to make the speech defective a butt of their jokes.

(4) The Visually Disabled Child: The blind or the near-blind or a child suffering from any other visual defect is usually unable to understand the impli­cations of his disability during infancy. As he matures in age and experience, however, he becomes growingly aware of the handicaps generally associated with his visual disability.

A visually defective child is usually shy. He makes few companions and friends. His only understanding companion is perhaps his mother. Some children whose visual disability is short of full-fledged blindness can join the schools for the normal children. At school the frustration of such children usually increases when they find that they are not liked by most of the children.

Such children need careful handling. They should be helped to develop compensatory abilities in non-visual fields, e.g., music, manual skills, etc. If specialized institutions catering for the visually defective children are available, parents should not hesitate to utilize their services for such children.

(5)  The Child with Defective Hearing: Children who are deaf or hard of hearing usually remain backward in acquiring proficiency in language. They are consequently seriously handicapped in making efficient social adjustment. Such children are most likely to develop abnormal suspicion regarding people and their intentions. This might also affect adversely their social relationships during later years.

Most parents feel perplexed about a child who turns out to be defective in hearing. It is advisable to get the child thoroughly examined by a specialist. Proper and timely treat­ment might cure the defect completely or partially. Such children could also be sent to specialized institutions for their education. Besides the usual formal education, the emphasis at such institutions should centre round the development in the defective children of those abilities and skills which do not necessitate use of the ear.

(6) The Crippled Child: A child may be crippled because of a birth injury, an accident or such diseases as infantile paralysis, osteomyelitis, cerebral palsy or rickets. These- bodily defects create a number of physical and psychological hurdles for such unfortunate children. Accordingly, they are the most common victims of inferiority, frustration and maladjustment.

The crippled child usually receives special attention, care and affection at home. Parental over-indulgence may spoil him. His difficulty is intensified when he finds that the children in the street and school and other people around him do not appear to extend him the same amount of courtesy and excep­tional treatment meted out to him by his parents at home.

Parents should, therefore, endeavor their utmost to approach the crippled child rather objectively. They should try to create in him an understanding of his physical disability and the limitations associated with it. The crippled child could thus be helped to develop a wholesome attitude towards himself and the people around him.

(i)                 Problems of the Crippled Adolescent: Adolescence brings added problems for a crippled child. Mental and physical maturity increases his restlessness. As he is denied the usual facilities and normal physical activities, he feels like "an odd man out" most of the time. Mounting frustration is liable to develop counter suggestibility and negativism in him. Social adjustment is the main problem of the crippled child.

(ii)               Role of Parents: Parents should help him to get adequate education and training suited to his abilities, taste and physical limitations. If such a training enables him to get adequately remunerative work, he has immense chances of making satisfying adjustments with people at home and outside.

(7)        The Physically Delicate Child: Like the only child, a physically delicate child is also usually pampered and over-protected by the parents. Such an indulgent parental attitude is most liable to spoil him. A delicate child who is pampered over much develops an intense desire to remain the centre of attraction in the family all the time. He is, therefore, liable to specialize in mastering and utilizing novel and ingenious attention-getting techniques and devices.

However, on entering the school the delicate child is utterly disappointed to find that, other children are neither as affectionate nor as considerate as the parents and the siblings at home. Being utterly dismayed and greatly shocked he might retreat to himself and start brooding. He may well be enraged and come into conflict with society. Such undesirable attitudes might also affect his later adjustment to people and situations very adversely.

(i)                 Guiding the Delicate Child: Delicate children should never be pampered at home. Before a delicate child reaches the school-going age, parents should see that they have imparted to him enough of the social training needed for children of that age. He should be helped to realize that others also have equal rights to be attended to and cared for.

(ii)               Role of Parents: Both at home and at school the delicate child should be encouraged to develop desirable attitude and skill. With more achievement and more success, in pursuit and activities suited to his delicate constituting, he is bound to improve his capacity for adjusting with people at home and everywhere.

Influence of Relatives

Relatives also make a considerable influence upon the deployment of a child's behavior, and personality. As compar­ed with the West this influence is relatively stronger in the East owing mainly to our joint family system.

Role of the Grand-Parents

In our homes grand-parents may also influence the growth of children profoundly. If they happen to prefer peace, calm and quiet they may demand the child to repress the normal outbursts of his energy in free and frank playful behavior. Such a repression may be resented by the children. This situation may thus lead to a friction between the children and the grand- parents which may even spread to a conflict between them and the parents and even the parents and the grandparents.

Understanding grand-parents, however, are always friendly with their grand-children. If they remember their own child-hood they will generally appreciate and encourage rather than suppress and inhibit the free expression of children's recreational behavior. They may rather become a play-mate of the child by watching and helping him in his playful activities. By narrating interesting fictional or real stories they can as well become companions and friends of the child. Such an attitude has a very desirable effect on the life of the child.

Influence of Near and Step Relatives: Besides the grand-parents other relatives living in the same house may also affect the development of the child in good or bad directions. Near relatives who make frequent visits to the parents of the child are also liable to influence his thought and behavior to a certain extent. Parents should, therefore, help the child to develop desirable attitudes towards all the relatives he comes in contact with.

 

Step relatives, especially stepbrothers, are usually very harsh on children. Such an inhuman treatment is both irrational as well as undesirable. If one cannot extend warmly, friendly and affectionate treatment to a helpless child one should at least avoid a cruel and brutal treatment which is injurious for proper development of a child’s personality.

Need for Family Guidance

            A normal family with educated parents, having a fair amount of common sense on child-rearing, usually feels no serious diffi­culty in bringing up the children properly. There are families, however, which need guidance in many directions bearing on the healthy development of children.

The Right Parental Attitude

Most of the parents need to be told that despite their limi­tations they can do a lot for the health and happiness of their children. They need adequate guidance for the adoption of the right attitude towards children developmental problems.

Whether it is a matter of the quality and the quantity of the affection at home, a problem of physical growth, of moral and social training or scholastic education, a balanced attitude characterizing sympathetic understanding, emotional warmth and friendliness towards children has always infinite chances to work wonders with the children. On the other hand, an uneven and harsh attitude marked by callousness, cruelty or dominance has very little chance to succeed with children.

Parents would perhaps behave better towards their children if only they remembered how they felt and behaved when they were children themselves.

Social and Legal Action Against Incurable Parents

Certain abnormal problem parents, however, are not capable of realizing the wisdom in adopting such a desirable attitude at home. Such parents should, therefore, be subjected to psycho­logical treatment in their own interest as well as those of the children. Should cases arise in which psychological counseling and treatment fail to enable such parents to make a healthy and desirable adjustment towards their children, proper social and legal action against them should never be delayed. Such a step is obviously needed because children must not be allowed to suffer simply because of the diseased mentality of their parents. Public opinion and the law must never be slack in realizing the urgency of this need.